


Happy Endings and How to Write Them

by Chiharu



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, F/M, Genderbending, Lots of Genderbending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-02 23:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2829740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chiharu/pseuds/Chiharu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lu Han is a hardcore Cassiopeia and Yixing is her long-suffering best friend who is not-so-secretly in love with her. (Reply 1997!AU).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Endings and How to Write Them

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the first round of Justgetlayd on livejournal. Originally posted [here](http://justgetlayd.livejournal.com/3663.html). Written April 2014.

Press release after-parties are not Lu Han's forte, but the mornings after are sometimes even worse. Lu Han jolts awake when her alarm vibrates off her night stand. She leans out of her bed to grab it. Her throat aches and her hair smells like beer. She closes her eyes and tries to forget the events of last night, but it doesn't work.

Lu Han doesn't have time for this. She opens her curtains and then trips on her slippers, grabbing the edge of her desk for balance as Jaejoong beams from across the room. The TVXQ posters on her wall are normally a comforting sight, but now they just make her feel sick. It's a miracle she even managed to change out of her dress after coming home last night. Lu Han takes a quick shower and changes into a clean skirt, attempting to dress herself while blow drying her hair. She puts her black tights on inside-out and aggressively combs half of her hair out before giving up.

She feels like a hot mess, but thankfully, no one comments on her appearance when she arrives at the station. Lu Han's meeting isn't until the afternoon, so she sits in her temporary office and tries to distract herself with busy work. She's editing the last few scenes of the script when Liyin knocks on the door.

"How are you feeling?" Liyin asks with a small smile. She looks like she walked out of a photo shoot, and not like she spent last night entertaining station executives and industry personnel at the press after-party of her new drama. "You seemed strange last night."

Lu Han unconsciously fixes her bangs. It’s been months since she dyed her hair an ash brown color, and Lu Han is aware that she needs to touch up on the regrowth. "You're early. Cast members don’t have to come in until this afternoon."

Liyin takes a seat next to Lu Han. "I came to talk to Director Li. Are you okay? You didn't answer my question."

It's just Lu Han's luck, to have the nicest person in the entertainment industry fretting over her. Lu Han doesn't even have the nerves to lie, not after the friendship they’ve developed on set over the last year. It's probably Liyin who put in the good word for Lu Han this time around, otherwise Lu Han never would have been chosen as the main scriptwriter for BeijingTV's newest summer drama. Nowadays, Liyin is one of the few friends Lu Han has the luxury of seeing every day. "There were a lot of people at the party last night," Lu Han says, smoothing out the wrinkle in her skirt.

"Yes, there were," Liyin agrees softly. She doesn't sound convinced.

"I was caught off guard, that's all," Lu Han says, not meeting Liyin's eye. The truth is that Lu Han had expected unfamiliar faces at the after party—people from other stations, other departments, and other walks of life. What she hadn't expected was to have a clumsy cameraman spill his beer on her and to have Zhang Yixing hand her a stack of napkins. Lu Han had felt so clueless, standing there in Zitao’s hand-me-down dress, as Yixing smiled tentatively and said, long time no see.

Liyin, for the most part, seems to understand her silence. She sets a hand on Lu Han's arm and says, "Jongdae and I are getting lunch together. You're more than welcome to join us, if you'd like."

"Nah. I wouldn't want to interrupt. You guys go and get acquainted with each other." South Korean pop star and amateur actor Kim Jongdae had rushed from the airport directly to the press conference yesterday. He seems taken with Liyin, and so Lu Han wants their off-screen chemistry to develop more organically.

Besides, Lu Han is not cruel enough to third-wheel on their lunch date. She hasn't been cruel since high school, when she’d deliberately skipped out on Yixing's send off. Back then, Lu Han didn’t think it would take six years for her to see Yixing again. It's hard to match the image of Yixing from last night, clad in a suit and looking very much like a music producer from the Berkelee School of Music, to her memories of Yixing from childhood.

 

 

 

When asked, Lu Han tells people that she fell in love with creative writing in high school, when fiction allowed her to escape the mundane reality of her academic life.

In reality, Lu Han stumbled across creative writing when she started reading TVXQ fanfiction in middle school. Back then, Yixing would keep Lu Han company in his living room after school, Lu Han reading stories she printed from her parents' computer while Yixing studied next to her. Her parents often came back late, so Lu Han sought shelter at Yixing's home across the street, where his mother offered them drinks and Yixing let her copy his math homework. Yixing was always too kind—waiting for Lu Han after school, and watching soccer with her when he clearly cared more about his piano than sports.

Lu Han always considered Yixing her best friend, even though their interests diverged at the onset of puberty. Still, he'd listen to her talk about Korean dramas and watch music videos with Zitao and Lu Han until he inevitably fell asleep. Zitao loved to pose with Yixing's sleeping face, giggling until Lu Han kicked at her, telling Zitao to be quiet. Sometimes, when Yixing brought Yifan home after their English prep classes, they'd walk to Lu Han's house and beg her for help on their Chinese literature homework.

Growing up with Yixing was effortless. Growing apart had been hard.

 

 

 

Lu Han is not a director, but she has a vision. She learned from her last drama that being on set at all times is the only way to ensure that her vision isn't grossly misinterpreted. It's not so bad when she’s already established an easy camaraderie with the crew. Besides, Lu Han has become used to hanging around the set and mouthing forgotten lines to cast members.

For someone with his level of international hype, Kim Jongdae is incredibly polite. He seems to understand directions in Chinese, even though he can only respond in Korean. Lu Han is thankful for Jongdae's personal translator Minseok, who speaks only when addressed but is surprisingly quick and fluent in Chinese. She looks small and reminds Lu Han of the girls she used to see on K-pop music shows.

Lu Han grows to like Minseok even more when she notices the TVXQ background on Minseok's cellphone. "You like them too? I didn't know they were still popular in China," Minseok says, shaking bangs out of her eyes. Her hair is short but nicely frames her sharp face.

"They're still popular everywhere," Lu Han insists as they watch Jongdae reshoot a scene. His delivery is fine, but Jongdae has a habit of turning his back on the camera that irks Director Li. A thought comes to Lu Han. "Your background is only of Yunho-oppa. Do you only..."

Minseok gives her a calculating look before saying, "I like them all." When Lu Han offers her a relieved smile, Minseok returns it.

Lu Han is so absorbed in her subsequent conversation with Minseok that she doesn't notice Liyin's arrival on set, nor does she turn around until Liyin taps her on the shoulder.

"Am I interrupting something?" Liyin asks, polite as always. She gives Minseok a small smile and introduces her companion. "This is Zhang Yixing, he's writing the score for this drama. Han Geng-ge handpicked him for this project."

Right, Lu Han thinks as she tries to digest it all. Of course Han Geng, super star extraordinaire and co-producer of the drama, had a say in this. Lu Han looks down as Liyin engages Minseok in a conversation, feeling Yixing's gaze on her. Their encounter last night had ended when Lu Han made up an excuse and ran away from him. Her mind often went blank at the most critical times. She just never thought seeing Yixing would trigger such a strong fight or flight response.

"Do you know each other?" Minseok asks, straight to the point, when Lu Han's silence becomes obvious.

Lu Han gnaws on her bottom lips. Minseok is cute as hell, Liyin looks like a goddess, and Lu Han is wearing an old hoodie with her hair in a messy ponytail. She's never felt so self-conscious in front of Zhang Yixing before. "Um."

Yixing just smiles, signature dimple showing. "Lu Han and I went to the same high school."

"And middle school. And elementary school," Lu Han adds unhelpfully. She can't believe that after all these years, their friendship has been reduced to classmate status. Aware that Liyin and Minseok are now staring at her, Lu Han gives them a peace sign. "We go way back!"

Minseok and Liyin seem to buy her act, and Liyin soon gets called away while Minseok goes to help Jongdae. Lu Han takes a deep breath and looks at Yixing. "Did you... need me for anything?"

"Do I need permission to approach you now?" Yixing asks, voice light. His smile is warm and reminds Lu Han of summer afternoons when they'd go to Yixing's house for cold mung bean soup. She doesn't understand how Yixing can act perfectly normal when Lu Han is still drowning in guilt. "I want to talk to you about the script, actually. Han Geng-ge wanted us to work together. He's very invested in this project."

That, Lu Han already knew. She looks away and focuses on Liyin across the set. "Do you want to talk now?"

"I actually came today to meet with the director, but I'd like to talk to you about your vision for the plot, especially before and after the time jump." His voice sounds soft and comforting, but it has the opposite effect on Lu Han. "I haven't read the entire script yet, but maybe we can sit down together tomorrow?"

"Yes. Sure," Lu Han says, turning to look at him again. He seems taller now, and his skin is better. It's not until Yixing is walking away that Lu Han adds, "Zhang Yixing. Wait."

Yixing turns around, hands tucked into the pocket of his slacks, and tilts his head at her.

Lu Han can't stand this. The truth is that Lu Han did hear about him over the years from his mother, Zitao, and even Yifan. But Yixing is supposed to be in America, writing soundtracks for independent movies and making music. She's not ready for him to be here, actively engaging in her life again. "Are you going to pretend that nothing happened between us?"

It takes a moment for Yixing to respond. Eventually, he gives her a tight smile and says, "I never pretended when it came to you, Lu Han."

 

 

 

Lu Han tried running away from home, once. It was around the time Zitao got scouted by a modeling agency, and Lu Han found herself eating lunch alone as Yixing and Yifan played basketball in the schoolyard. Without Zitao around, Lu Han felt more anxious. She came home late one night after the subways closed to a worried mother and angry father and—after having waited forever for an available taxi—snapped at them to stop yelling at her. The incident ended with Lu Han storming out in a rare act of defiance.

Yixing found her an hour later as she sat by the riverbank. Her eyes watered, but she didn't cry. "I can't believe they sent you," she half-laughed.

"Everyone is really worried about you," Yixing said, taking a seat next to her. He didn't scold her for yelling at her parents or try to drag her home. Instead, Yixing brushed grass out of her hair and asked, "What's wrong?"

That was the year Yixing and Yifan started taking SAT classes, and Lu Han began to see less and less of her friends as they prepared to study abroad. Her grades were so mediocre in comparison that she didn't bother entertaining the idea of leaving China. "Zitao can't come to the TVXQ concert with me anymore." It was the first thing that came to mind. "We planned it for months and now she's bailing on me."

Yixing gave her a searching look. "I'll come with you."

Lu Han snorted. Her eyes were swollen and her hairband had snapped during the day. She was in no position to make fun of Yixing. Still, she said, "you won't enjoy it. You'll just fall asleep."

"I won't fall asleep," Yixing promised. "I will enjoy it because you'll enjoy it." He sounded so sincere that Lu Han wanted to cry.

Yixing, true to his promise, skipped his Sunday prep classes just to attend the concert with her. He wore a red shirt and held onto Lu Han's merchandise bag as she ran nervously to the bathroom. Yixing mouthed along to the songs and held Lu Han's hand as she cried through Proud. Before then, Lu Han always thought of Zhang Yixing as a constant in her life. After that night, she realized that Yixing was more of an anchor.

Zhang Yixing surprised her again months later, when he received acceptance letters to music schools in the states. Eventually, Yifan left for Canada and Zitao started taking modeling jobs overseas. It felt so ironic that, in the end, Lu Han was the only one who couldn't leave.

 

 

The meeting with Yixing goes well, probably because the co-screenwriter sits in and acts as a buffer. Yixing takes notes as Lu Han explains her vision for the script as professionally as possible. Lu Han doesn't consider herself particularly talkative, but as always, Yixing seems to understand exactly what she means. It's strange how some things never seem to change.

Lu Han published her first fanfiction at age sixteen onto the yunjae baidu bar. Prior to that, she spent weeks scribbling into her notebook under the pretense of doing extra calculus homework. Yixing was the only one who noticed, going out of his way to ask about the plot of her otherwise cliché story. Yixing never showed any distaste toward her fascination for slash fiction. He simply pointed out inconsistencies and offered to proofread her drafts. They both knew that Lu Han was much better than he was at anything literature related, but she still felt relieved when he liked the story.

Looking back, Yixing was the only person to take Lu Han at face value. Lu Han learned later that people had their own agendas. Her boyfriend in college proved that no other man in her life could be as unconditionally supportive as Yixing; but by then, Lu Han and Yixing had long since stopped talking.

"Are you tired?" Minseok asks later, when the meeting ends and they return to the main set. Filming is going slower than expected, but no one has the heart to admonish Jongdae. Minseok gives Lu Han a small carton of orange juice and watches Lu Han stab the straw in. As if sensing Lu Han's weariness, Minseok adds, "Do you want to get dinner later? We can watch Yunho-oppa's latest appearance on Star King."

"What about Jongdae?" Lu Han asks, watching him smile at Liyin on camera. "Who will translate for him when you're gone?"

Minseok wrinkles her nose cutely. "He needs to improve his oral skills anyways. Jongdae’s actually a lot better at Chinese than he appears."

Unfortunately, their plans are scrapped when Han Geng appears on set and decides to treat the entire cast and crew, Yixing included, to dinner. Lu Han sits next to Minseok at the restaurant as Minseok translates for Jongdae and Han Geng. She eats quietly and tries to ignore the way Yixing actively engages Liyin in conversation.

Lu Han looks up when Liyin asks something, Lu Han’s mouth opening wide as Liyin repeats her question. "You mentioned that you and Yixing went way back?"

Lu Han frowns and bites her bottom lip, turning to look at Yixing.

"We lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same schools," Yixing explains. His gaze is kind, but Lu Han still feels like he had been planning to say something else.

"What was Lu Han like as a teenager?" Liyin asks, smiling.

"She was..." Yixing trails off as Lu Han comes up with the words selfish, oblivious, and cruel inside her own head

"She was really passionate about the things that were important to her," Yixing says.

Even now, it's unfair how kind Zhang Yixing is. Lu Han is thankful when Jongdae laughs at something Minseok says, and Liyin's attention turns back to their guests of the night. Lu Han looks up to find Yixing's attention also diverted. It's silly to want him to pay more attention to her, to see how she's changed. Lu Han knows she gave up that right a long time ago.

 

 

 

"Are you being abstruse on purpose, Xiao Lu?" Zitao asks the next time she’s in town, looking very much like the magazine model that she is. Sometimes it's hard for Lu Han to remember that they used to wear the same uniforms to school every day and skip class just to watch movies in the girls’ bathroom.

"Don't use large words," Lu Han grumbles.

Zitao gives her a look of disbelief and flips her hair behind her shoulders. "You're a writer. You love big words. Anyways. I'm not letting you distract me again. Let's talk about Yixing."

"I don't want to talk about Yixing." Lu Han rolls over on her couch. The fried chicken box sits on the table, thoroughly empty by now. If anything, this reminds her of their sleepovers in high school, before TVXQ broke up and Lu Han's life changed in more ways than one.

"Xiao Lu," Zitao says, sitting on Lu Han's thighs and refusing to move. "You can't tell me that you felt nothing when Yixing came back. I might have bought that in high school, but I think you're old enough to talk about your feelings now."

The problem is that Lu Han never knew how she felt. Yixing was the model student that she looked to for direction. Growing up, he always kept track of the time to go home and knew the right things to say. Yixing was warm and engaging, while Lu Han was polite and distant at best. Yixing took charge of the musical number during the annual school festival and played the piano accompaniment for the chorus, yet he didn't mind getting dragged to KTV with Lu Han and Zitao as they belted out pop songs in nonsensical Korean. Every memory she has of Yixing points to one conclusion.

Lu Han wasn't in love with Zhang Yixing, but she wishes desperately that she had been in love with him.

In high school, Lu Han cared solely about writing and TVXQ. They were her only joys as she navigated a life of mediocrity. Despite the fact that Lu Han often received comments about how "cute" she was, she constantly felt dwarfed in the presence of Zitao. This also applied to her other friends. Yifan was the basketball captain slash academic superstar, and Yixing was the poster boy for everything nice. Lu Han just wanted to be good at something, so she invested all of her time into idols and channeled her energy into inventing happy endings that weren't meant for her. In hindsight, her obliviousness had been a choice. Lu Han only saw what she wanted to see.

Three weeks before Yixing flew to Boston, he bought Lu Han popsicles after a round of soccer and said, very simply, "I'm in love with you."

Lu Han had received her gaokao results a week prior, and her placement at Capital Normal University foreshadowed another four years of settling in Beijing. Her popsicle started dripping before she replied, "Why?"

Yixing's brows furrowed in the hazy afternoon. "What do you mean?"

Why are you in love with me, Lu Han wanted to ask. Instead, she said, "Why are you telling me this now?"

Yixing gave her a sad, subdued look. Lu Han had never realized, until then, how attached she had grown to his smile. "I know it's selfish of me to tell you now, especially when I'm leaving." Maybe he thought Lu Han deserved to know the truth, but Lu Han never thought that she deserved anything, much less Yixing. "You don't have to reciprocate."

"I can't accept your feelings," Lu Han told him. She knew it was cruel and selfish, but she also knew that loving Yixing would have been the right thing to do. Intentionally or not, Lu Han never did what was expected of her. She never thought, before then, that loving Yixing was a possibility—that Yixing was someone she could have.

"He's not angry with you, you know," Zitao says, lying down next to Lu Han. Zitao slips her hand into Lu Han's, and her nails are polished and neat. "Yixing would never be angry with you."

"That's the worst part," Lu Han tells her, sighing when Zitao pets her hair.

 

 

 

Location shoots and outdoor filming start the next week, and Lu Han finds herself spending more time with Minseok both on and off the set. They go to Tianjin for a weekend to pose with the Tianjin eye, sharing earphones while humming to the Rising Sun album. When Minseok asks about Yixing after two bottles of Tsingtao beer, Lu Han tells her half of the story.

"You rejected him?" Minseok asks, looking at her strangely. Minseok lets Lu Han set her head on Minseok's shoulder as they pick through the fried peanuts on the table. "Then why are you acting like he rejected you? Are you afraid that he'll fall in love with you again?"

Lu Han makes a shaking motion with her head.

"He’s kind of popular with the ladies, haven't you noticed?" Minseok says.

"I don't want to notice," Lu Han replies, closing her eyes. "Please don't tell anyone about this."

"Who would I tell?" Minseok laughs, giving Lu Han a small pat. "Jongdae? He's too busy making puppy eyes at Liyin. One day he'll mess up and accidentally confess his love to her on screen. Your secret is safe with me."

The truth is that her relationship with Yixing shouldn't be a secret. Lu Han is not ashamed of their friendship. If anything, she's ashamed of her childishness and the distance she put between them. It doesn't help that Yixing has a clearance pass to the set and tends to visit with Han Geng. On those days, Lu Han feels restless as she skirts around him.

Eventually, she works up the nerve to hand him a carton of apple juice from the crew's station.

"What's this?" Yixing asks, looking up at her with a soft smile.

Lu Han pushes lens-less glasses up the frame of her nose. "You looked thirsty."

Yixing smiles and sips from the carton. "Thank you. Do you want to sit down?" When Lu Han obeys and takes a seat next to him, he turns to her. "I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable."

"You don't make me uncomfortable," Lu Han says, fiddling with her fingers. She pulls her hair into a ponytail for lack of anything else to do.

"Then why do you keep running away from me?" Yixing asks softly. His expression is half amused and half guilty.

Lu Han looks down. "Because you're you."

"I'm still me, Lu Han," Yixing says, touching her shoulder. He used to do this when she spaced out in class, during study groups, and on the bus. "I don't know who you expect me to be now, but I'm still the same person. I still want us to be friends."

Friends, Lu Han thinks as she closes her eyes. "Okay," she says at last. "I want that too."

"Don’t worry, things won't be like the way they were before," he assures her, resolute.

Lu Han doesn’t know how to respond to that, so she simply nods.

Being friends with Yixing is, and has always been, a low-key affair. He introduces the other music producer, a Chinese-Canadian named Henry, to Lu Han and they go to lunch with Minseok on good days. On bad days, Lu Han works from six A.M. to midnight, combing through scene rewrites with her co-screenwriter and watching Jongdae woo Liyin on screen as they shoot throughout Beijing. She messages Yixing about the script changes at odd hours of night and is often surprised when he responds immediately.

Why are you still awake? She asks, once, when he replies at one A.M. Lu Han sets her phone on the table and steps out of her jeans. She looks into the mirror and marvels at her eye bags. It's too late for her to wash her hair.

Just got home from a late outing and was cleaning out my inbox, he replies in minutes. Good night, Lu Han.

She runs a hand through her bangs and wonders if Yixing was out on a date. While washing her face, Lu Han entertains the thought of Yixing dating someone who appreciates him. Yixing had made a point of telling her that he won't fall in love with her again. It's supposed to be comforting, but all Lu Han can think of is empty classrooms and years she won’t get back.

 

 

 

Thankfully, Lu Han doesn't have time to dwell on Yixing's social life. JYJ's concert in Beijing gets announced the following week, and Lu Han spends hours coordinating with Korean and Chinese fansite masters over the news. She's been helping out with fan-events since college, when her only friends came either from her department or from baidu tieba. Lu Han books hotel rooms and reservations for her unnis and listens to them complain about ordering group tickets.

"We can go together," she tells Minseok at work. "If you're still in Beijing by then."

Minseok gives her an inquisitive look before grinning. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Oh, I won't be able to make it," Zitao tells Lu Han over the phone when she calls. "But hey, I hear Yifan will be in town next week. Let's all get dinner, with Yixing too. I'll make the reservations."

"You're gonna to make it too fancy," Lu Han accuses. She can practically hear Zitao rolling her eyes on the other end of the line.

"No, I won't," Zitao promises. "I just don't want you to make us eat zhajiangmian again."

As a precaution, Lu Han brings Minseok with her to dinner. She explains the proper way to eat Peking Duck to Minseok while Yifan eyes Zitao in her low-cut dress.

"Stop staring," Zitao tells him, sounding pleased. Lu Han personally thinks Zitao's eyeliner is sharp enough to kill a man, preferably Wu Yifan. "This is first time you've seen me in years. Would it hurt you to greet me like a normal person?"

"Yifan has been rendered speechless at the sight of your beauty," Yixing says, always quick on the uptake when it comes to making fun of their tall friend. He laughs when Yifan tries to glare at them.

"You're a lawyer," Lu Han points out with a laugh. "You should be able to defend yourself."

"I'm training to be a lawyer," Kris says. Law school probably hasn’t prepared him for Yixing's quick mouth and Zitao's flirting. It was always like this in highschool, too, but back then Zitao did the staring.

Lu Han wonders why she brought Minseok when her friend manages to monopolize most of Yixing's attention. Lu Han is not jealous; she knows Yixing is just being kind. Still, Lu Han blinks when Zitao catches her off guard "Come again?"

"I said," Zitao repeats, deliberately slow. "Will you be passing out support banners at the concert?"

"Are you still doing that, Lu Han?" Yifan looks amused. "I can't believe you haven't grown out of them. Zitao has."

"TVXQ is not a fad," Minseok tells Yifan pointedly. "They're musical legends." She looks satisfied when Yifan stares at her, dumbfounded.

"And don't speak for me, Wu Yifan," Zitao says, flipping her hair behind her shoulder. "I never grew out of TVXQ. I'm just busier now, that's all."

"My favorite song is Proud," Yixing supplies randomly, reaching over Yifan for more food.

The table falls quiet until Minseok says, "That's a pretty old Japanese track. Do you know what that song is about?"

Yixing turns to give Minseok a large smile. "I actually know a bit about TVXQ. In fact, I have read some creative stories related-" He makes a muffling noise when Lu Han sticks a duck wrap into his mouth.

"He's rambling," Lu Han explains, laughing awkwardly as she gives Yixing’s shoulder a hard shove. She blinks when everyone stares at her. Lu Han bites her lips as Yifan grins and Zitao's mouth pulls into a sly grin.

"You're abusing Yixing again," Zitao points out. It takes Lu Han back to a time when she jokingly pushed Yixing in school corridors and slapped his arm for teasing her. She'd pull him into a laughing half-hug afterwards, rubbing at his wound while Yixing grinned. Being with Yixing came so naturally to her that Lu Han never thought she'd go so long without it.

When Lu Han blinks, she finds Yixing smiling at her. Lu Han fixes her bangs and turns away to listen to Zitao talk about Yunho-oppa. She teaches Minseok the best way to drink duck broth and throws Yifan dirty looks when he asks about Zitao's food intake. Yixing offers to drive everyone back, but Lu Han takes the metro home with Minseok instead.

"Can I say something?" Minseok asks as they stand side-by-side on the platform. Her hair is held back by bright yellow hair clips today, and Lu Han wonders how someone can be so cute. "Yixing is kind of a catch."

"Yeah? You should date him."

Minseok considers this and looks at Lu Han. "You don't mean that." She doesn't say anything to Lu Han again until they bid each other goodbye at the intersection of line two and four.

Lu Han listens to Proud on repeat from her iPod and wonders why she always says the wrong things.

 

 

Liyin and Jongdae's first kiss scene goes terribly. They reshoot it three times before the director calls Jongdae aside. "What is the problem? Is this your first kiss?" Tensions are high because Han Geng is overseeing the shoot today, and with him came half of the post-production team, Yixing included.

Jongdae shakes his head and says something rapidly to Minseok.

"He doesn't know how to interpret it," Minseok explains, pulling out the rolled up copy of Jongdae's script and the Korean translations. "The script wants him to kiss with regret and uncertainty. There may be a translation error."

Director Li rubs his temples before calling Lu Han over. "Explain your script," he says.

Lu Han gulps as the entire set watches. She turns to Jongdae and gestures at Liyin. "This is the last time you're together before the time jump. Your character thinks he may never be able to kiss or see her again. You want the viewers to understand that feeling of helplessness." She takes a deep breath as Minseok begins translating in Korean. "The regret comes from the uncertainty. You're in love but can't be together because of poor timing and circumstances. Just like that, you've missed your opportunity. That's what I intended your character to convey in this scene."

She gives Jongdae a relieved smile as he nods in understanding. Lu Han tries to escape when filming resumes, but she's pulled aside by Han Geng. They've spoken a few times, but Lu Han still finds him intimidating. It doesn't help that Han Geng brings Yixing and a Beijing TV producer into the conversation as well.

"I liked your explanation," Han Geng says with a smile, turning to the producer. "This is why I wanted a younger team, you see—fresh talent with fresh perspectives. We want the audience to connect with the themes. Scriptwriter Lu, what do you say?"

Lu Han stares, eyes large. She has pitched the storyline to producers before, but never on the spot. "This story is about missed connections," she says at last, looking at Han Geng. "I think the cast has done a good job of relating to their characters."

"Have you experienced a missed connection before, Yixing?" Han Geng asks, turning to the last person Lu Han wants to face.

"Yes," Yixing says, looking at Lu Han. “I think we all have.”

Han Geng pats Yixing on the back and grins. "Hey, that’ll make a good story for that girl you’re seeing. Elisa? We should all go to dinner again the next time I’m in New York City. Director Yang is more than welcomed to join, of course.”

“Erica,” Yixing corrects softly. “And sure Ge, I’ll introduce you to some new restaurants.”

No one notices when Lu Han excuses herself from the conversation. She finds an empty trailer and sits down, counting to ten, then one-hundred until she’s sure that she won’t cry.

Minseok finds her later and sits down next to Lu Han. “They nailed the scene, thanks to you. Is everything okay?”

“I just think…” Lu Han trails off, rubbing at her wet eyes. “I think I really messed up.”

“Well,” Minseok says, pulling Lu Han’s hand away. She grabs a cotton pad from the makeup dresser and wets it with makeup remover. “Your eyeliner is smeared. You should fix it since Yixing is looking for you.”

“Tell him I went home,” Lu Han says immediately, closing her eyes as Minseok fixes the mess on her face.

“No,” Minseok replies firmly. Her touch is soft as she moves Lu Han’s bangs from her forehead. “I think you should talk to Yixing. Besides, no one will believe you left so early. I heard what you said to Jongdae. Everyone did. Why aren’t you saying it to the person who actually matters?” When Lu Han doesn’t reply, she sighs and gives Lu Han’s side a small pinch. “Let’s get out of here.”

Yixing finds them a few minutes later as the crew begins to pack up. He smiles as Minseok goes off to find Jongdae. “I’m going to my parent’s house for dinner. Would you like to come? My mother would love to see you again. You could also drop by to see your parents.”

Lu Han frowns. She hasn’t lived with her parents since leaving for college. “They’re not expecting me.”

“You can still say hello,” Yixing explains. “Please come? I want to talk to you.” He beams when Lu Han collects her stuff and follows him into the parking lot. Yixing plays Qu Wanting while they drive into traffic on the fourth ring road and eventually pull into a familiar area. The car passes the riverfront as Yixing talks about the soundtrack’s progress, and Lu Han feels as if they’re seventeen again, walking home across the river in matching uniforms.

Yixing’s mother graciously welcomes Lu Han into their home. She points out the new renovations and fills Lu Han’s bowl with too much rice at dinner. Yixing spends the entire meal talking to his grandparents while Lu Han explains the nature of her job to Yixing’s father. “Do your parents know you’re coming by?” Yixing’s mother asks when he is doing the dishes.

“I’m planning to go by now,” Lu Han says. Still, she spends twenty more minutes entertaining Yixing’s grandmother before making up her mind. She’s at the doorway when Yixing sets a hand on her shoulder.

“I’ll go with you,” he offers. Together, they walk across the neighborhood, past familiar faces strolling about and kids riding bicycles. No one answers the door when Lu Han knocks, so she uses her spare keys and turns the lights on to an empty room.

“It’s Wednesday,” Lu Han says. Her father is probably still working while her mother plays mahjong with her group. “I guess no one is home.” She kicks her shoes off and goes into the kitchen. There, she pours them glasses of hawthorn juice from the pitcher.

“This place looks exactly the same,” Yixing says, meandering around the kitchen. It’s not accusatory. He wanders into the library and blinks at the framed photos of them. Growing up, Lu Han’s mother was a menace with the camera. Yixing picks up a photo of them from his tenth birthday party. “I didn’t know your parents kept these.”

Lu Han shrugs. “They’ve always liked you more than me.”

It takes a moment for Yixing to respond. “I don’t think that’s true.” He pauses. “Can we visit your room?”

Lu Han doesn’t really remember what’s in her room, so she leads the way and cautiously opens to door. They’re greeted by a wall of posters Lu Han didn’t bother taking to her new place. She finds old TVXQ photobooks on her shelves along with used notebooks and stationery. Lu Han recognizes the pink-covered one and turns to Yixing. “You said you wanted to talk. So let’s talk.”

“I looked up the lyrics for Proud after Minseok asked me about it,” he says slowly. “It reminded me of your script. Do you think we were a missed connection?”

Lu Han sits on her bed and stares at the floor. Yixing was always more perceptive than he seemed. “Yes,” she says eventually.

“You wrote a happy ending for your characters, though,” Yixing points out.

Lu Han laughs ironically. She’s been told that her laugh isn’t particularly attractive, but she can’t imagine it looking any better now, with tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. Lu Han vowed a long time ago to never cry in front of Zhang Yixing again, so she covers her face. “That’s fiction. Sometimes people move on and they never get a happy ending.”

“Lu Han,” Yixing says, kneeling down in front of her and moving her hands aside. “Please don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying, you asshole. Something got in my eye,” she hisses. It’s the same thing she told him before, when he found her crying behind the neighborhood bicycle rack after being scolded by her father.

Yixing cradles her chin with his hands and frowns. “Then let me see.” His touch is soft and his face is entirely too close, so Lu Han shifts away.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“She’s not my girlfriend anymore,” Yixing says kindly. “I’m here with you right now, so please don’t change the subject. Why are you crying?”

Lu Han looks away and wipes at the tears, but the dam has broken and she can’t control her tears no matter how hard she tries. “You told me you won’t fall in love with me again.”

“Are you worried?” Yixing asks.

The truth is that Lu Han is afraid. She’s afraid that Yixing is serious, and that she gave up her only chance to be with Yixing, to be held to him. Her path back to him was long and circular. Lu Han didn’t realize until then that maybe, just maybe, she had been in love with Yixing all along. “I’m sad,” she tells him. “I’m sad because we may not get a happy ending.”

“What are you trying to say?” Yixing looks at her searchingly.

“Six years is a long time,” Lu Han explains, trying to put her logic into words. “Characters fall in and out of love in a matter of scenes. I don’t know if we can even go back to—I don’t know.”

Yixing meets her eyes. “Lu Han. Tell me what you really mean.”

“I’m sorry I ruined things for us,” she lets out as he pulls her into a hug. Things always come to this—behind that bicycle rack, by the river, and even now. Sitting here in her childhood room, Lu Han realizes that she always wrote happy endings with Yixing in mind. “I didn’t know what I wanted, back then. Now I want you but it’s too late.”

Yixing runs a hand through her hair and sighs. “You misunderstood. I said that because you were my first love. People don’t really fall out of love with their first loves. At least, I didn’t.”

It takes a moment for Lu Han’s mind to catch on. Then she pushes him, hard, until he lands on the floor. “You’re a jerk,” she says, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “I can’t believe you made me cry twice in one day.” More importantly, she can’t believe that, after all this time, Yixing would still be on the same wavelength as her.

“I feel like a jerk,” Yixing agrees as he picks himself up. He’s smiling when he takes a seat next to her. “For making you sad—so let me make you happy.” He pauses when Lu Han pulls him towards her, laughing as he puts a hand on her shoulder. “What would your mother say if she found us kissing in your room?”

Lu Han sighs as she pulls him even closer. It feels a little like a miracle and a lot like a dream. “She’d say, Zhang Yixing is such a nice boy. He’s my favorite in the neighborhood. Now kiss me.” Lu Han smiles when her nice boy complies.

 

 

The JYJ concert happens on a Saturday. Lu Han spends all morning volunteering at a Jaejoong fanbooth, passing out free banners and lightsticks. She goes inside of the venue with her group to set up the LED banner and laughs when one of the unnis blast “Get Out” on her phone. Lu Han’s weibo friend Tingting records a video of her dancing to the chorus and Lu Han sends it to Yixing, who responds with a handful of laughing emoticons.

Lu Han gets a late lunch with a group of fansite unnis while they show her previews from the airport. After working with Minseok and Jongdae for so long, Lu Han has gotten pretty good at communicating in basic Korean. She meets Minseok at Gate B two hours before the concert and hands Minseok a bag full of free merchandise. “I got these for you!” She’s surprised when Minseok makes a soft squealing sound in excitement.

“You’re a true friend,” Minseok says as they enter the National Gymnasium.

Lu Han remembers a lot about the concert—switching on her red lightstick during the opening number, holding hands with Minseok through “In Heaven,” and screaming her lungs out during Jaejoong’s introduction. The crowd drinks up their Chinese intros and chant Junsu’s name non-stop when Yoochun pours a bottle of water on Junsu’s white shirt. Minseok yells when Lu Han half collapses on her during Jaejoong’s solo, making an absent attempt to push her off that somehow ends with them hugging through the rest of the song.

After the concert, Lu Han loops her arms through Minseok’s and pulls her gently towards the exit. She knows there will be a mad dash towards the nearest metro station and that cabs will be impossible to find. Still, she waits as Minseok uses the restroom and starts to feel cold in her skirt. She checks her phone to find an unexpected message from Yixing, asking her to meet him by Gate C. Lu Han is still riding the high from the concert, and everything feels like a dream.

Yixing is sitting on the hood of his car when Lu Han finds the parking number he sent her. He greets Minseok kindly and opens the back door. “Can I drive you girls home?”

Minseok grins and slides into the backseat, laughing when Lu Han joins her in the back. Together, they relay highlights while waiting in the inevitable traffic. Yixing lets Lu Han connect her iPod to the stereo and humors them as the girls belt out songs from the concert. “How was your oppa?” Yixing asks lightly when they finally pull out of the parking lot.

“He’s ethereal,” Lu Han sighs, leaning into Minseok. Outside, the third ring road illuminates their path across town. “You’re cuter, though.”

Minseok just tsks at them, sounding amused. Later, she bids them goodbye outside of her hotel and watches as Lu Han moves to the passenger seat. “Hey,” Minseok says when Lu Han rolls the window down. “Thanks for inviting me. I had a lot of fun.”

Lu Han beams as Yixing fumbles with something in the glove compartment. “No problem!”

Minseok leans through the open car window and whispers, in Korean, “Your new boy is pretty awesome, too.” She’s off before Lu Han can respond, waving to them in front of the hotel entrance.

“What did Minseok say?” Yixing asks when they’re on the road again.

“That you’re lucky to have me,” Lu Han tells him, giving him a thumbs up. She expects him to complain or laugh, but instead, Yixing just smiles and agrees. The tracklist on her iPod has moved onto quieter ballads now, and it makes Lu Han wonder if Yixing is even real. She doesn’t know what she did to deserve him. Lu Han is sometimes distant and sometimes shy. She’s terrible at improvising and bad at communicating her feelings. What does Yixing see in her?

Lu Han pauses when the scenery outside changes into something unfamiliar. “Are we going to your place?”

Yixing places a hand on her knee but doesn’t look at her. “Later, yes. I want to take you somewhere first.” They drive for ten more minutes until they arrive at the CCTV station. He pulls into the twenty-four hour parking lot and flashes the guard his badge. When Lu Han blinks at him, Yixing parks the car in the nearest spot and unbuckles her seatbelt. “Let’s get going.”

Lu Han has only been to the CCTV tower a few times, so she’s surprised when Yixing procures an access pass to let them into the main lobby. Yixing leads her to the staff elevator and up to the thirteenth floor, through double doors and into an office with a glass wall. “What do you think?” Yixing asks, taking her hand and walking her to the glass.

The sky is unprecedentedly clear tonight, illuminating the Beijing skyline as Lu Han leans against the glass. She takes a step back immediately after making the mistake of looking down, relaxing only when Yixing wraps his arms around her waist and sets his chin on her shoulder. “It’s wonderful, but how did you get that pass?”

“Han Geng-ge left it with me when we went drinking together,” Yixing says, placing a kiss on her temple. His hand is warm on her hip. “He said I could use it.”

Lu Han hums, leaning back against his chest. “How did you meet Han Geng anyway?”

Yixing plays with a strand of her hair. “I worked with an independent label after graduating. The studio belonged to a pair of Chinese American DJs, and they introduced me to Ge when he came to visit the City. He sampled some of my stuff and asked me to come back to Beijing to work on this project. I wanted to reject him at first.”

“Why?” Lu Han whispers, surprising herself with the urgency in her voice.

“Because Zitao told me you were also working on this project.” Yixing sighs into her ear. “I didn’t know if you’d want to see me again, or where we stood. I missed Beijing, though, and I wanted to see my parents. I wanted to see you, too.”

Lu Han waits for him to continue. When Yixing doesn’t, she asks, “Were you angry with me when you first left?”

It takes a moment for Yixing to respond, but he doesn’t stop playing with Lu Han’s hair. “Not angry—just disappointed. There were times in high school when you caught me staring at you, and I just thought, you had to know.”

“I didn’t,” Lu Han says, closing her eyes. She can feel Yixing’s breath as he kisses the back of her neck. Lu Han spent so much of her adolescence focusing on things that made her happy and turning a blind eye to everything else. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” He asks, brushing his lips behind her ears. “For rejecting me?”

“For taking you for granted,” Lu Han says, turning her head until he catches the corner of her lips in a kiss. “For rejecting you. For making things more difficult for no reason.”

Yixing considers this as he sets a hand on her stomach, warm and comforting. “It wasn’t for no reason. We weren’t ready. Neither of us was prepared to start something then. I think you only postponed our happy ending.”

Lu Han watches idly as more buildings light up in the distance. She puts her hand over Yixing’s. “I was afraid you found your happiness in someone else. How many girls did you date, when you were away?”

“Only two.”

She takes a deep breath and lays her head back against his shoulder. “How many girls did you fall in love with?”

Yixing sighs, sounding resigned. “Two, but my heart is not a box that gets filled. It can only expand and grow, Lu Han.”

Lu Han knows, because her heart has been expanding for years. She doesn’t tell him this, but Yixing seems to understand. It’s in the way he squeezes her hand as they take the elevator down and the way he smiles to himself as they drive back.

Yixing lives in the upstairs apartment of his current studio. His place is clean, almost as if he’d prepared for her visit. Lu Han smiles at this as Yixing boils water and turns his speakers on to soft jazz. When he comes back, she pulls him in for a kiss and doesn’t let go until they’ve made their way to his large bed. Lu Han pushes Yixing down and straddles his lap. “I like your place,” she says.

“Aren’t you tired?” Yixing asks, smiling when she kisses him again and runs her hands through his hair. He lifts one knee as the fabric of his jeans brushes against her panties. When Lu Han loops her arms around Yixing’s neck, he kisses the inside of her elbow gently.

“You’re a kissing monster,” she says, capturing his mouth in another kiss and gasping when Yixing bites her lips. Lu Han whines when he sets both hands on her hips and pulls her closer. She blushes and grinds down on him. “Yixing, can you….”

Yixing smiles blankly. “Can I what?”

“Touch me,” Lu Han says, taking one of his hands and bring it under her skirt. She inhales when his fingers traces along the damp spot at the front of her panties. Lu Han hides her face in his shoulder when Yixing’s finger loops under the elastic, brushing up against her skin, and she gingerly takes a minute to step out of them as he watches.

Yixing is looking strangely at her now. “Are you sure?”

He says nothing when she nods and climbs back into his lap, leaving a trail of kisses down the side of her neck and stopping at the opening of her shirt. Yixing runs his mouth over her collarbones, pulling her shirt off when she lifts her arms. He uses one hand to stroke the side of her hip while the other hand expertly unclasps her bra.

Lu Han flushes and looks down, stopping only when he tips her chin up and kisses her. Lu Han shrugs out of her bra and sighs when his hand slips back between her legs, gently running along her folds. Lu Han is so wet already. She hides her face against his shoulder as Yixing rubs his fingers against her. She relaxes when she feels the press of one of his fingers, taking a deep breath as she takes in the rise and fall of his chest against hers. “Yixing.”

“Yeah?” Yixing asks quietly as he kisses her hair. He pulls out slowly and presses two fingers inside, pausing as her breath hitches. “Tell me how you want to be touched.”

Lu Han is so embarrassed and so, so wet. She bites her lips until he kisses her again, distracting her as his fingers move inside of her. “You’re doing fine.” She ruts up against him when he finds a rhythm, setting her hands on his shoulder for leverage as she moves. She fucks herself on his nice, piano playing fingers and comes when he wraps his lips around her nipple and sucks, chest heaving as she collapses on him.

“Are you okay?” Yixing pets her hair with his clean hand, shifting as she moves closer to him. His problem is growing more obvious, and Yixing gasps when Lu Han goes to unzip his jeans. “You don’t have to-”

“I want to,” she tells him, taking him in her hands and marveling at his length. Apparently touching her makes Yixing hard, and he makes a soft whimpering noise when she strokes his cock. Lu Han is fascinated with the arch of Yixing’s brows and the way his kisses become sloppier as she fists him, drawing almost giggle-like sounds from Yixing as he trembles against her. It it doesn’t take long for him to come into her hands, shaking as she pulls a groan out of him.

They topple into the sheets while Lu Han snuggles against his arm. She feels sticky and tired and satisfied. Lu Han sighs when Yixing helps unzip the back of her skirt. She wraps herself in a thin blanket and flushes when Yixing gives her an amused look.

“I’m going to clean up,” Yixing says vaguely before disappearing into the bathroom. Lu Han hears the sound of running water as she closes her eyes. The pillow, sheets, and everything smells like Yixing. She’s asleep before Yixing comes back.

 

 

 

Lu Han wakes up thirsty in an empty bed, her eyes adjusting to the darkness and catching the light from downstairs. Lu Han snatches Yixing’s button-up shirt out of the laundry hamper and makes minimal effort to button it before descending down the stairs. She finds Yixing sitting in his studio, headphones on and surrounded by sound equipment as he edits a track on the computer.

“Come back to bed,” she says, hugging him from the back and running a hand down his chest.

Yixing, clad in a t-shirt and boxers, smiles and hands her the cup of water on his desk. “I have this transition stuck in my head and just had to write it down. I work best at night. Are you okay?”

“I’m more than okay,” Lu Han says, sitting down in his lap and smiling when Yixing buries his face in her neck. “I missed you.”

“It’s only been a few hours,” he murmurs into her skin.

“No,” Lu Han explains, looking down and marveling at the way he cups her breasts through the shirt. “I missed you when you were gone.” Her college days consisted of periods of indirection and unbearable loneliness, when all Lu Han wanted to do was listen to music and write. She published two stories in the student magazines before being asked to write the script for the theater club’s newest play. That was the first time Lu Han thought of putting her hobby to actual use. Every story she wrote contained traces of Yixing, almost like she was chasing him with her words.

“I missed a lot of things,” Yixing tells her as he goes back to applying an equalizer to the track. “I missed speaking Chinese, eating my mother’s cooking, and doing strange things like playing jianzi with the grandmas in our neighborhood. I missed you the most, though. I missed you listening to TVXQ so loudly that I could hear the music from your earphones. I missed how you hated being called cute, even though you were the definition of cute.”

“I’m not cute,” Lu Han says and squeezes his arms. She watches him do something fancy on the monitor. “What are you doing now?”

“I’m done,” Yixing announces, clicking out of the window and setting the computer on sleep mode. “Let’s go back?”

Lu Han wrinkles her nose and pulls her lips in. “What if I don’t want to move?” She blinks when Yixing shifts her around on his lap and yelps when he lifts her up. Lu Han’s legs tighten around Yixing’s waist and her arms loop around his shoulders. “When did you get so strong?” Lu Han asks as Yixing carries her up the stairs.

“You’ll find out eventually,” he promises before dumping her on the bed. Yixing manages to tuck her into the sheets and climb in as well. He claps twice to turn the light off and rolls over to face Lu Han. “Are you going to kick me out of the bed?”

Lu Han laughs and kisses his shoulder. In elementary school, they used to nap on Yixing’s couch together until Lu Han begin kicking in her sleep. Even during sleep overs, Yixing would sprawl on the floor, his shirt riding up until Lu Han dumped her blanket on his sleeping figure. She squeezes his hand and closes her eyes. “I’ll try my best not to.”

“Your best has always been good enough for me,” he says, kissing her hair.

 

 

 

Filming wraps up on a Tuesday. The last scene they shoot is of Liyin and Jongdae hugging each other outside of Tsinghua University. Even after the director calls cut, Jongdae doesn’t let go. He looks flustered when they finally pull apart, although no one on set seems surprised when he bows timidly at Liyin.

Liyin handles it pretty well, and she beams when staff members appear with bouquets for her and Jongdae. Jongdae grins when Director Li pats him on the back and tells him to just ask Liyin out. He pretends not to understand, but Lu Han catches sight of Jongdae winking at Minseok when he turns around.

“What do you think?” Liyin asks Lu Han. “Did I do your script any justice?

Lu Han gives her a hug, pulling apart only when staff members ask Liyin for photos. She finds Minseok talking to Jongdae and gives her a back hug, grinning when Minseok yelps.

“You’re touchy today,” Minseok says, smiling. If anything, Lu Han is saddest about Minseok flying back to Seoul. She nods at Jongdae when he leaves the conversation. “So,” she asks Lu Han. “What’s next for you?”

“Wellll, I’m planning to visit Korea and was hoping someone would show me around.” She beams while Minseok nods. “Plus, I’m working on a new story.”

“What is it about?” Minseok asks.

Lu Han thinks about timelines and plot twists. She thinks about pink-covered notebooks, after-dinner strolls in her old neighborhood, and Yixing’s sleepy face as he slowly wakes up in the mornings.

Lu Han smiles at Minseok. “It’s about happy endings.”


End file.
